Pain of Redemption
by DrankBleachAsChild
Summary: Because Ulquiorra realized, that even if he was in an unfamiliar world, surrounded by former enemies, and stuck in a powerless gigai that hurt like nothing else he had ever felt before, as long as she was there, he would survive. UlquiHime oneshot.


**A/N.**

**Hello everyone. This is my first fanfic. I don´t want to ramble off about nonsense, since the thing you´re here to read is the fic, not my thoughts on the fic. but, I would just like to say that I really worked hard on this fic to make it a worth read. therefore, I would be really glad if you bothered to leave me a comment telling me if you liked it. I am of course open to suggestions and constructive criticism, but let´s stay civil. That means, please no flames.**

**Well, now that thats clear, there´s only the disclaimer left.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not in any way own the series or characters of bleach, though I do own my ideas and ´t ask why it works that way, I don´t know.**

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><p>Pain.<p>

Pain radiated through his whole body, starting at his chest and spreading further through his entire body. The pain was like a flame, burning hot, exploding from the inside, making it feel like his whole body had been set on fire from the inside, his blood the magma of an active Vulcan, slowly crawling through his veins, causing him more and more pain as it went on its way. His vision was a blur of colors blending together, making the world around appear as messy and unfocused, as if someone had poured water over a painting done in aquarelles.

But, Ulquiorra could still faintly make out the silhouette of the young girl standing in front of his bed, looking at him nervously, the radiant auburn color of her hair giving her away. Ulquiorra tried to blink a few time, to make his vision clearer. Some of the water blurring his sight rolled down his cheek in the form of small drops, ending their trajectory on his pillow. It worked, and the young girl stood out as more clear in his vision, allowing him to see the expression on her face. She looked pained, pitiful, and he noted with some distant surprise, guilty.

Ulquiorra didn´t really know a lot about human emotions. At best, he was able to understand hate, anger, jealousy and most of all, hunger. These were the emotions Ulquiorra had used to survive in the never ending, cold desert that was Hueco Mundo. Everyday a fight to survive, one either learned to quell all other feelings that what was necessary. Happiness, joy, sorrow, love. They all went down the drain. Suppressed every day, until it was an automatic function. Ulquiorra had honored that skill, even later when he joined Sosuke Aizen´s army, and there was no imminent danger to his life. It had become who he was.

Ulquiorra thought about the shinigami that had appeared before him that day, attempting to make Ulquiorra join his army of arrancars. Even though Ulquiorra had never felt any hatred or animosity towards the shinigami or humans, he had sensed that day that Sosuke Aizen was not somebody you told no and survived. And, even though Ulquiorra tried to suppress it, there was something inside his soul, craving for something to happen, for something to break the monotony of the damned desert he had wandered, alone for years. And, when Aizen offered him one wish, anything in his power to grant in return for his service, Ulquiorra had made a decision. He would follow Aizen, if not for anything, then to survive to see another meaningless day. And, Ulquiorra had sensed that even though Aizen probably suffered from some kind of god complex, he would not break promise he himself had made. If by the end of the war he had wanted something, Ulquiorra knew Aizen would give it to him, no question asked. Even if Ulquiorra hadn´t known what he had wanted at that time, when he accepted Aizen´s proposal.

He still didn´t.

So much had changed in the short duration of the winter war. It had only been a mere month long, nothing compared to the length of his life, to the years he had been alone. But, so much had changed since then, that it felt like another life when he thought about his past. Or, more precisely, his life before he met _her._ The girl he had been ordered by Aizen to kidnap so that he could use her powers on the Hogyoku. The girl who had changed him, slowly, in the mere span of the month she had been his prisoner. She was like a ray of sunshine in Hueco Mundo. Unnatural, different, something there was never meant to be. She was only a little girl.

But somehow, that had been enough. Enough to make him, the cuatro Espada, the strongest of all the ten arrancars, turn against the strongest shinigami ever to have lived. To break all bonds with the other arrancars, to make him feel mercy for the young, foolish shinigami Aizen had ordered him to kill.

Ulquiorra knew fully well that he was the reason Aizen lost the war. If he had killed the Kurosaki boy when he was supposed to, he would never have been able to return to the fake Karakura town to fight Aizen. But, when the woman had looked at him with pleading eyes, he found himself unable to deliver the final blow that would obliterate the young boy. He couldn´t cause her that pain.

No matter how hard he tried.

So, hating himself for being weak, and hating the girl for making him weak, he had handed the young boy over to her so that she could heal him. He would never forget the look of surprise in her eyes, or the deep gratefulness. And, when whatever pathetic excuse of a heart he had skipped a beat as he looked at her, Ulquiorra knew he was lost. He couldn´t even say no to her when she had asked him to bring her to the human world. He was pathetic then.

He still was.

"Ulquiorra-san?" The woman stood in front of him began nervously. Ulquiorra noted that she trouble looking at him directly, often casting a look in the direction of the door. He followed her gaze, his whole body trembling at the magnification of pain the simple movement brought him. His gaze a little unclear, he could only see the silhouette of the person standing in the door, but he would know that hair color anywhere. The second of the only two humans he knew to have orange hair.

_Kurosaki Ichigo._

He stared at the boy. The boy stared back at him. Ulquiorra once again blinked the water out of his eyes to see the boy clearly. He still had a few scratches here and there and an enormous band aid over his left eye, but other than that, he seemed fine. The woman had obviously healed him at some time when he had been asleep. That was the only time she left his bedside.

"Ulquiorra-san?" Ulquiorra once again looked at the woman standing in front of him. She continued nervously, as if afraid he would break if she spoke too loudly. "I just got off the phone with Urahara-san. He said that your soul needs time to adjust to the gigai, and that it is the reason you feel bad. But!—"She looked straight at him now, her eyes still a little uncertain, as if afraid of his reaction." He said that it is only going to take 10 hours more, at most."

Ulquiorra looked at the woman, sensing her discomfort. He knew before he entered the gigai that would keep his powers prison that it was going to hurt. That crazy shopkeeper that made it for him at the request of the woman had told him that before handing it to him. He hadn´t wavered in his decision. Still, that shopkeeper's smile when pushed him into the gigai with his cane annoyed him. He smiled liked he knew something that Ulquiorra didn´t. It had bothered him at that time.

Seeing that the woman waited for him to answer somehow, Ulquiorra tried to sit up, so that he could look at her properly.

Bad move.

The second he opened his mouth, his stomach contracted painfully, cramping, sending waves of white hot pain rolling through him. He could feel something making its way from his stomach, up through his throat, and finally out from his mouth and onto his bed sheets. For a few moments, his body continued to cramp, even though there was nothing in his stomach to get rid of. When the last bit of pain finally let way for weakness, his whole body slumped back into bed, drained of all energy. He could see the horror and shock on the woman´s face. She looked ghostly, unhealthily pale. She hastily muttered something to Kurosaki, before she left the room. Ulquiorra followed with his eyes, until she quietly closed the door behind her. He briefly wondered where she went, until he felt Kurosaki approach his bed. For a moment, the boy just stood and looked at him, until when he noticed his eyes at the door. Almost as if reading his thoughts, the boy made a mentioning gesture at the door.

"Inoue´s going to be back in a minute. She just went to get you some clean sheets."

Ulquiorra looked down at himself, and noted that the previously white sheets were now soaked in blood. Apparently that was how someone who never ate anything threw up. Not wanting to risk throwing up more blood, he didn´t try to sit up; instead, he simply regarded Kurosaki from his lying position in the bed.

"Why are you here, Kurosaki?"

Kurosaki just looked at him for a while before he answered.

"I´m here to thank you."

This surprised Ulquiorra. If anything, he would have expected the teen to want to kill him. A death threat would have made much more sense than an apology at the moment. He halfway expected Kurosaki to be mocking him, but the boy's face showed no signs of him being sarcastic.

"Thank me?"

Kurosaki simply smiled and shook his head, as if he couldn´t believe the situation either. "I know. It's crazy, right? But considering the latest turn of events, I kind of thought I owed it to you."

Ulquiorra almost couldn´t believe his ears. "You owed it to me, you say?" When Kurosaki nodded, Ulquiorra found himself even more confused than before. And Ulquiorra was rarely confused.

"I kidnapped one of your friends and held her prisoner. Not to mention I tried to kill you."

The teen just looked at him. "Yes, but you didn´t kill me when you had the chance. Not to mention that if you hadn´t come back with Inoue and fought Aizen, he would have won, and we´d all be dead by now. So, thank you."

Ulquiorra finally understood where the boy was coming from.

"I see. There is, however, no need for you to thank me." At the boys puzzled look, Ulquiorra continued:

"I didn´t do any of that for your sake, nor your for any of your so-called _friends._ The word "friends" was uttered with so much disgust by Ulquiorra that Kurosaki actually tensed.

"I know" the boy said after some time where they both sat in silence. "You did it for Inoue, didn´t you?"

This time it was Ulquiorra who tensed. Kurosaki had somehow managed to ask him the one question that had plagued him since Aizen´s death. Standing at Aizens corpse, these questions had suddenly come to him. Why did he do it? Was it for the sake of the woman? For his own sake? He hadn´t known then.

He still didn´t.

Before Ulquiorra could think up an answer, Kurosaki spoke again.

"It doesn´t really matter why you did it, anyway. Even though I think Orihime´s thinking about that too. The important thing is that you did." Even though Kurosaki said the words, it was clear he didn´t mean it. He had the exact same knowing smile on his face that the shopkeeper had when he gave him the gigai. It annoyed Ulquiorra to no end, but before he could muster the strength to reply, the door opened, and a young raven haired girl in shinigami robes stepped in.

"Ichigo?" She looked at Ulquiorra a little uncertain, as if she didn´t know what to think about being in the same room as someone who had not hours before been an enemy. Then, directing her gaze Kurosaki, her gaze softened somewhat. "We have to go. Urahara told me that the gate to Soul Society is only going to be open for a little while longer, and if you want to with us, you´d better hurry up before it closes."

"I´m coming, I´m coming." Kurosaki sighed before standing up, and gave the woman an annoyed glare. "Don´t get your panties in a twist, midget."

"What did you say, beansprout?" The shinigami had already disappeared out of the door, but the danger in her voice carried from the hallway was unmistakable.

Sighing, Kurosaki made a motion to follow the girl out the door. Just before closing the door behind him, he turned around to regard Ulquiorra.

"Still, I´ve got some advice from you. Essential knowledge if you want to live here with Inoue."

When Ulquiorra looked at him, he saw it as an incentive to continue:

"Don't ever eat her food. Not if you value your life."

After he had delivered that piece of strange information, Kurosaki closed the door behind him. The sound of him and the small shinigami arguing could be heard for some time, the intensity of their voices fading, finally disappearing when the door to the street could be heard closing. Directing his gaze to the window, he could faintly see them leaving the complex, hand in hand.

Ulquiorra lay still for a moment, contemplating what was going to happen now. He had betrayed one of the strongest shinigami ever, nearly at the cost of his life, and for what? If he hadn´t helped the Kurosaki boy, Aizen would have killed him and all the other shinigami, and Aizen and the arrancars would have won. Ulquiorra would have been left in peace after that, having been on the winner´s side. So what in the world had compelled him to fight against his own commander?

But, before Ulquiorra had time to think it through, he was interrupted yet again when the door to the small bedroom opened. Ulquiorra looked up, half expecting to Kurosaki return for something he had forgotten. He instead saw the woman clumsily pushing the door open with her elbow, her arms full of white of new white bedsheets. Ulquiorra had almost forgotten about the now dried blood that had soaked his sheets. When the woman had finally made her way through the door, she briskly walked to his bed, smiling at him all the way.

"Ulquiorra-kun, look, I brought you some new bed sheets. Sure, they are a little old, but I just washed them, so it should be okay, right?"

When all Ulquiorra did was look at her, she looked a little unsure, but continued:

"But, if you want to rest, I can just come back later and—;

"Fine." Ulquiorra was satisfied that his voice didn´t sound as strained as before.

"Change them then… I´m sorry, did you say something, Ulquiorra-kun? The woman stopped her talking, and looked at him for a moment, as if surprised he talked.

"I said its fine. Do what you need to." His voice was the same monotone it always was, but that didn´t seem to bother the bubbly orangehaired girl. She just smiled her usual bright smile, putting the fresh sheets on the small night table next to his bed. In one swift motion she took his bloody bed sheets off his body; then stopped and blushed when she saw that his gigai, in contrast to his soul form, wasn´t dressed from the midway and up, leaving his torso exposed. Then, a few seconds later, the blush on her face faded, her brows crinkling together in a thoughtful expression, her gaze focused on his chest.

"What it is, woman?"

Ulquiorra´s questions seemed to snap her out of her thoughts, and she turned her head to look at his face. She then shook her head, as if to get rid of the stupor that had just besieged her brain.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about something…"

Her eyebrows clenched together again, and the thoughtful face reappeared on her face. When he just stared at her, she moved a little closer to the bed, the bloody sheets forgotten on the floor. Almost as in a trance, she reached out her hand, letting it hover over his chest for a long moment, before lowering her hand the last centimeters, her small hand touching his chest, in the exact place his hollow hole used to be. Her hand was surprisingly cold against his feverish skin, and Ulquiorra could feel it tremble. He simply looked at her, waiting for an explanation for this behavior that was so unlike her. She just stood there for a while, her gaze locked on the place on his chest where her hand rested.

"What does it feel like? "Seeing that he didn´t understand, she explained." Not having a hole in your chest I mean. You have had one all your life, so it must be pretty weird not to have one now?"

Ulquiorra simply kept staring at her, shocked by the question. The woman was usually bubbly and happy, but the look in her eyes now was serious.

"This is only a gigai, not a new soul. Nothing has changed."

The woman looked at him for a moment, as if to discern any mocking on his behalf. When she didn´t see any, she simply stayed where she was, a wondering look on her face.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing at all."

Somehow, when he said the words, the strange, serious atmosphere broke. The woman smiled, her eyes twinkling with some kind of delight, as if the whole thing had just been another one of her usual strange questions. Then, bubbly as always, she said in a soft voice,

"I guess it hasn´t? Ulquiorra-kun will always be Ulquiorra-kun, eh?"

Ulquiorra simply nodded. That was a given. And still, a little voice deep inside his mind nagged at him. He quickly and mercilessly quenched the it. The woman busied herself with the sheets, talking in a loud, happy voice.

"I just got word from Urahara. He says that your reiatsu is stabilizing, and that the gigai is nearly adjusted. He and Yoruichi-san is working at making some kind of fake history, so that you can come to school with us, if you want. Oh, I know that you probably don´t need it, but it´s fun going to school! I can introduce you to all my friends, who are all really nice. There´s Tatsuki-Chan, Ogawa-san, and of course Chizuru-san! And, after class is over we can go get some ice cream with red bean soya and miso flavor, and then we can eat it while watching TV. Doesn't that sound nice, Ulquiorra-kun?"

Ulquiorra simply stared at the woman, thrown off completely by the waterfall of verbal nonsenes. For the first time in many years, Ulquiorra had been totally unable to follow somebody when they were talking. What was this "school?" "Ice cream?" TV? "The woman, however, didn´t seem to notice, and just kept going.

"Urahara tells me that you're going to have to pretend to be an exchange student from Spain. But you´ll have no trouble with that, seeing as you speak Spanish all the time anyway, and if you don´t know what Spain is like, I could go and get some books at the library. Sure, you're a little pale, we´ll just tell them that you don´t like the sun or something."

Ulquiorra nearly didn´t hear anything of the woman´s rambling. Almost unnoticeably, the pain had ebbed away, now feeling like only a faint annoyance in the back of his mind. Exhausted, his eyelids seemed to close naturally. The woman stopped short in her talking, noticing his almost closed eyes. With an embarrassed face, she finished changing sheets, covering him with them quickly.

"I´m sorry, Ulquiorra-kun! You´re obviously tired, and all I do is talk. I´ll leave you alone now, so you can sleep."

Making sure he was comfortable, the woman gathered the bloody sheets in one arm. Before she turned she left the room, however, she looked down at him with a small smile, her hands stretching out to fix a lock of hair falling into his eyes. Leaning in over his bedframe she whispered with an almost unnoticeable soft voice.

"Goodnight, Ulquiorra-kun. See you tomorrow."

Then she turned and quickly left the room, turning of the light, and silently closed the doors. Engulfed in calming dark, Ulquiorra finally let his eyelids drop completely, sleep taking over him. But not before he had time to feel the light memory of a small hand gently touching his forehead.

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><p>Ulquiorra woke, hours later, when a stray ray of sunlight, coming from hole in the curtains on covering the window, hit his face. He opened his eyes to find that the room was still dark, the only light aside from the small ray of sunlight coming from the room beyond his, through a small gap in the door that had apparently opened sometime in the night. He tried to lift one of his arms, and though it felt heavier than usual due to the gigai limiting his physical strength, he felt no pain or resistance. He tried to flex it a few times, getting used to the weight and feeling of it. He pushed the sheets aside, slowly standing up, focusing on not to fall. Slowly walking around the room a few times, testing the gigai´s legs, he was satisfied when there were no signs of malfunctioning. He hadn´t tried to be in a gigai before, so the feeling of being encased in tight bodyformed capsule was completely new. Walking out the door to the other room, expecting the woman to be awake and up, he was surprised to see her sitting in a chair, her head resting in her arms, leaning on the kitchen table in front of her. She was fast asleep, air coming out of her mouth in gentle breaths. She looked vulnerable, and before he could stop himself, Ulquiorra reached out a hand and gently fixed a tuft of misplaced hair behind her ear. Entranced by the feel of it, he found himself unable to let go, his hand gently rubbing the fine threads, the texture fascinating him. Silky by nature, but not without a certain rough feel, probably caused by lack of care. There hadn´t been any bathing articles in Hueco Mundo, and she had used all her time right after the war to heal the wounded and take care of him. Almost as if his hand had its own will, it let go of her hair, and reached out to touch her small hand ,and he couldn´t help but wonder if her skin felt as soft as it seemed to. Before his hand reached its target, however the girls eyelids fluttered, and it was as if the strange spell that had controlled him up until then broke. He hastily withdrew his hand, but the woman didn´t seem to notice the movement. She slowly sat up, looking around as if she didn´t recognize her own apartment. Then, her eyes locked on to Ulquiorra, as if surprised to see him.<p>

"Ulquiorra-kun! What are you doing up?" Her eyes were glazed with sleep.

"It is morning now, woman."

The woman´s eyes opened wide, looking to the small window to the left side of the room. Confirming that it was indeed a bright sunny morning outside, she turned back to look at him.

"You´re right, Ulquiorra-kun!"

Quickly standing up from the chair, she looked around a little franticly, as if to decide what to do first. Then, her gaze settling on the stove in the corner, she excitedly clapped her hands together.

"I know! Why don´t I make us some breakfast?" Before Ulquiorra could answer, she had already moved to the stove, firing it up. Next, while getting a pan from the shelf above her, she turned around to regard Ulquiorra. "How does an omelet and bacon sound to you, Ulquiorra-kun?"

But, Ulquiorra didn´t hear her. His attention had been caught by a few strands of her hair that had been broken out of her hairpins when she moved to the stove. Silently, he moved until he stood in front of her, again fighting the strange urge to fix it. Large grey eyes looked at him, puzzled.

"Is there something wrong, Ulquiorra-kun?"

Ulquiorra shook his head, snapping out of once again. What was happening to him today? Surely this was some kind of default on the gigai. He would have to talk to that Urahara guy. Then, there was of course the possibility that the shopkeeper had made the gigai default on purpose, to mess with him. Ulquiorra nodded to himself. That was definitely possible. The guy had struck him as somewhat alike to Sczayzel Aporro Grantz at first. Brilliant scientists like that were always a little crazy. For all Ulquiorra knew, the shopkeeper could have given him the gigai purely to research him. But, since the woman trusted him, he would have to trust him, for the time being. Seeing that the woman was looking a little worried, he broke his train of thoughts, end answered her.

"Anything is fine with me."

The woman lightened up instantly, the worry on her face disappearing in the blink of an eye.

"Great! It'll be done in a minute; you can sit down and wait while I cook."

Sitting down at the kitchen table in the chair the woman had used just moments before, Ulquiorra watched the woman cook. She ran back and forth in the kitchen, fetching all kinds of jars and ingredients. Watching her cook was a show in itself. She hummed while she prepared the food, she sung softly to herself while she made the omeley, and when the turn had come to the bacon, she was doing a little impromptu dance. She finished making the food, made a little twirl on the way to the table, and placed two plates with eggs and bacon on it.

Looking at her, had made Ulquiorra think that even if he no longer were a part of Aizens army, was in a world totally different from his own surrounded by people he had shortly before considered enemies, he was going to survive. Looking back, he hadn´t known what he had said yes to when he had accepted the woman plea to stay in the human world.

He still didn´t know.

But looking at the woman sitting opposite him, happily munching on her eggs made him realize, that despite all that, he was going to be fine.

And, taking a bite of the omelet, the horrid, revolting taste sending waves of nausea through his body, Ulquiorra realized another thing.

"Ugh…"

"You like it, Ulquiorra-kun? I added some mashed potatoes, chili, and little bit of cookie dough ice cream since it's a special occasion!"

Yes.

He really should start listening more to Kurosaki.


End file.
